This week in my Christian Worldview class we are learning the different obstacles that get between us and true Wisdom. At lunch I began the chapter on emotional obstacles and it didn’t take long before something grabbed on to me that I had never even thought about before. As I sit in church each week, or in my case, listen to sermons in my car as well, I am always hearing about Jesus’ blood washing away things such as sin, pain, guilt, and shame. I guess I had gotten so used to hearing it that I never really realized that some things, though they sound similar, have completely different meanings.
I never really thought about it, but did you know there is a difference between guilt and shame? It really hit me like a ton of bricks when I realized that. Guilt is feeling bad when you know you have done something wrong. Shame, on the other hand, is feeling like you are worthless, meaningless, bad, and could do no right even if you tried.
How about this for a little example of guilt: my wife and children are out-of-town on vacation…let’s just say that every night they are gone I go and eat dinner at their favorite restaurants. I go and get dessert at their favorite ice creams stores. I’m sure I would feel a little guilty, because I know I shouldn’t be doing all of that without them.
That is just a small example….guilt can go so much deeper. If you steal something, if you speed through a school zone, if you yell at a friend. Both of these are instances where you just made a mistake. Fortunately, guilt gives us the opportunity to learn from our mistakes.
But this is what got me, when I really understood what shame was. My youngest son is 7. He is a pretty good kid. If you were to read his journal, I’m pretty sure he is writing future sermons. But sometimes, like kids do, he has tantrums. He says things like, “Nobody cares about me, nobody loves me. I’m horrible.” This may sound extremely insensitive, but after so many times of hearing it, its like, “Come on man, nobody said any of those things to you.”
When I read those two definitions today, I saw in him a feeling of shame…..and it hurt. I plan on having some good talks with him when he gets back from vacation later this week. It’s time to dig a little deeper and truly understand what’s going on in his mind and heart.
When it comes to me, I feel guilty all of the time…..”I know I shouldn’t say those kinds of things to my boss. I know I shouldn’t think those things about that guy who just cut me off in traffic.” It’s been a long time though since I felt real shame I think. It had to have been over a year ago, back when I was realizing that I couldn’t control my life the way I thought I could; thinking I couldn’t provide for my family the way I should be able to. All that changed though that day I left work, came home, and prayed for God to take over again.
It’s hard to believe its been a year now. At the time I had my Bible, but didn’t know how to use it. Its back then that I wish I would have had some verses of comfort that I can share now. I don’t know what any of you out there are going through, but if you feel like your are worthless, you aren’t. Even Israel’s greatest king prayed to take the shame away. “O my God, in You I trust, Do not let me be ashamed; Do not let my enemies exult over me” (Psalm 25:2, NASB)
Jesus endured some of the most shaming circumstances imaginable. His broken, beaten, bloody body was placed on a cross…..naked….in front of all to see. Guess what though….He did that for you. He bore that burden and shame so that you wouldn’t have to….”Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God” (Hebrews 12:2, ESV).
He went through every bit of that because of the “joy” that He knew was to come. So if you are out there feeling down, depressed; maybe you think you are a mistake….know that you aren’t. Know that Jesus loves you. Know that Jesus died for you and that His blood washed away all of that guilt and shame.
And as for me, I have learned a valuable lesson as well. My son’s feelings are important. Even though sometimes He may be acting out and trying to get attention; deep down inside this is all coming from somewhere. I will definitely be paying a little bit more attention to the little guy in the future. Because no one is worthless…no matter how bad life gets…no matter how much you may think is up against you. Jesus took that all away so that you wouldn’t have those feelings anymore.
Tetelestai 