Today is a year from when I started this journey with my blog.  Over that time I have written 71 of these.  My life has changed in so many ways that I almost can’t even count.  None of this has happened because of what I have done, but because of what I did on the day I came home from work and turned it all over to God.  I’m re-posting my first blog today.  Over the last year I have made so many new friends…or should I say family.  There are so many people around that may not even know where any of this originally came from or may not have seen this.  Tomorrow I will write and try to give a recap of the past year, of all that God has done in the lives of myself and my family…..but for today, let’s look back on where it all began.

Tetelestai

Tetelestai. Literally translated from Greek means, “It is finished. Done. Paid in full.” The last words that Jesus Christ said on the cross before he bowed his head and died. Jesus lived a life for us. He came down to Earth in human form to save ALL of us from our sins, his blood washes us clean. Then He rose from the grave and ascended into Heaven to continue to watch over and guide us.

Now I start this by saying I am not an ordained minister. I am not a preacher. I have had no formal training in theology; I know only what I’ve read in my Bible throughout my life. I am just a normal person like you. I have a wife and two amazing children. I have a job. Some days are better than others, but I am fully blessed. I have a house, two cars, two dogs, and an assorted array of fish. All things that most of you have. But what I didn’t have until about a month ago was a True relationship with Jesus Christ. A relationship that provides me with the opportunity to speak all day, every day with Him if I so choose. A relationship that allows me, through Him, to step out of my comfort zone and share with all who shall take the time to read this.

I won’t start today by giving a full history of my life, or even the changes that have taken place in a little over the past year, but I will start on the day when my life changed. Now with that being said, I was saved in high school. I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior, I truly believe that. But as the circumstances of life changed, so did my relationship. We grew apart. We never talked anymore. The world took over, like it so often does and my Faith was put on the backburner.

The Day it All Changed

May 8th, 2017. A day that started like any other day. I woke up, got ready for work, took my Spark and headed out the door. Immediately, and I literally mean immediately, something started happening. I started to feel a pressure, an anxiety like a dark cloud came over me like I have never felt before. I worried about my children, I worried about my wife. I felt lost, afraid. I felt something was not right, an impending doom. About an hour later I clocked in at work but knew I wasn’t supposed to be there.

I tried to find my mentor, someone to talk to. He told me he was busy, come find him on Wednesday. I went to the only other person I knew could help. We went into the break room. I said, “Something is extremely wrong. I don’t feel like I’m supposed to be here.” He replied seriously, “Like on Earth, or at work?” Now as strange and drowning as I felt, suicide never crossed my mind. Finding GOD is what I was after.

We talked awhile, he had no answer other than prayer. I told my boss I couldn’t be there anymore. I clocked out and drove home. On the way, I listened to a sermon my mother had sent me the day before. A sermon about how to know what we are supposed to do with our lives. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I walked in the door, over to my couch and fell on my knees. I prayed like I have never prayed before. I prayed for God’s guidance, for strength, for the ability to get through the day. I found my Bible and randomly flipped through and read many passages that put everything in perspective.

You see, up until that point I was controlling my life. I had the reins in my hands, being led by what seemed to be the fastest horses on the planet. I zoomed here, I zoomed there, but I was always in control. I knew what was best, why did I need to go anywhere else for answers? I believe this is where most of us find ourselves one day….OUT OF CONTROL.

The Truth of It All

Here is the thing, this is what I realized that morning a little over a month ago. Until you relinquish the reins over to God, your life will always seem like a runaway train. Always going downhill at a breakneck pace, making the hairpin turns at the edges of cliffs at the last possible moment (at least we hope we can make the turn.) We were never meant to be in control. So even though we know that God is there, and that Jesus Christ died for us, why do we try to “take the bull by the horns?” Now I’m not saying we are meant to sit on the couch and wait for the cloud to move (Exodus 40:34-38) but we are supposed to surrender our lives to God. He has a plan, He has a path, He sees from a vantage point way higher than ours the course of our lives.

I’m not here to preach. I am not perfect. I’m not here to tell you what you should or shouldn’t do. I’m not telling you to go right now to your local church and find the first Pastor you see. I’m not telling you to get down on your knees right now and pray to Jesus to forgive you of your sins (although if you haven’t done that, it might be a good idea.)

What I am here to do is share my story. Share my life. Share my experiences. In the hopes that it may help even one of you out there. I don’t know how blogs work. I’ve never done this before. I’ll say that again, I’ve never done this before, but it’s time to get out of my comfort zone. This whole process is completely new, and I know that there will be many bumps in the road along the way. But as I sat in church this morning something spoke to me. Well, not something, but God spoke to me. Not in an out loud way, but in my heart. I knew at that moment I was meant to come home and do this. So, if you choose to embark on this journey with me I welcome you. I welcome you along for all the good times, all the bad, and all those in between; and hopefully in the process we can all grow together in our relationships with our friends and family as well as in our relationship with the one who really is in control, Jesus Christ.

Have you ever been eavesdropped on?  Have you ever been trying to have a conversation and you could tell that someone nearby was trying to listen in?  In those instances you can maybe turn your back politely away or bring your volume level down.  But what happens when you are talking about something and the whole world is listening….you just don’t have any idea that they are?

As Christians, we are always being watched.  Everything we do is under a microscope.  Especially in today’s age of camera phones and social media, everyone is always on the lookout for the next viral post.  And, as unfair as that may seem, we, as Christ followers, should be setting the example of how to live, how to speak, how to love, and how to serve.  Be assured that you are always being watched and listened to.  Even when you have no idea that it is taking place….it most likely is.  So, it comes without saying, that we must always be careful of how we conduct ourselves.

This morning I definitely experienced a situation like that first hand.  I won’t go in to any of the details to keep the identities of those involved a secret……

As an usher team leader I get to wear a headset…..the cool kind that you might see the secret service wearing.  The purpose is to communicate with those staff members around the building if I need anything, or for them to get my attention if they need me for something.  Most of the time all I can ever hear is the parking team outside….which can be nice since that alerts me to the next rush of church goers as they arrive in the parking lot.  I can’t ever seem to get my headset to work.  I’m never on the right channel, or I don’t hold the button down long enough when I need to talk.  Either way, the headset tends to be more of a fashion accessory to go along with my name tag and volunteer shirt.  In fact, last week when my mom showed up at church and was looking for me, was the first time anyone had ever even talked to me over the radio.

This morning, due to a conflict is my scheduling for the day, I had to have a conversation with someone about when and where I should be after the second service.  Near the end of our conversation someone came into the office telling me to turn my mic off.  I looked around confused.  Then I looked down and the clipboard I had been holding had been pressing the button that allows me to transmit……..during my whole conversation.  Everything that had been talked about for no telling how long had been transmitted to everyone wearing a headset in the entire church.

And in that split second all I thought was, “What have I been saying?”  Luckily it wasn’t anything bad, but it really made me think about not only that specific incident with the mic, but how I am living outside of the church building.  Am I setting the example I am supposed to?

“The one who guards his mouth preserves his life; The one who opens wide his lips comes to ruin” (Proverbs 13:3, NASB). In other words, watch how you speak.  Our words and our actions reveal our true character.  When others watch us, what are they truly seeing?  I make a conscious effort daily to project righteousness.  None of this would be possible without God, because it is He that strengthens me.  How can I say I am for Christ if someone who is watching and listening from afar may see and hear otherwise, based on my true character.

Jesus once said, “Either make the tree good and its fruit good, or make the tree bad and its fruit bad; for the tree is known by its fruit.  You brood of vipers, how can you, being evil, speak what is good?  For the mouth speaks out of that which fills the heart” (Matthew 12:33-34).  Back in my Marine Corps days no telling what someone would have thought by watching me from a distance.  I’m sure it wouldn’t have been good.  That was also a time way before God brought me back to Him.

Although embarrassing, the hot mic conversation this morning didn’t end badly.  Nobody said anything they shouldn’t have.  No one got into any trouble.  Although I wouldn’t be surprised if they take my mic next week…..at least until I figure out how to use the thing. You would think someone who tests radio systems and works electronics on a daily basis would understand how to use a simple headset.

“Hot mic” situations can happen to anyone at any given time. It may be a boss overhearing you at work or a friend overhearing you at a gathering. At some point in our lives we have all regretted something we said or something we have done….that we didn’t realize someone else had seen or overheard.

But alas, my point of all this is that if we are acting the way we are supposed to, saying the things that we are supposed to be saying, putting our faith in God to direct our steps and to help keep us clean, we have no worries as to what others around us may think by our speech and actions.  “In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight” (Proverbs 3:6).

 

This week in my Christian Worldview class we are learning the different obstacles that get between us and true Wisdom.  At lunch I began the chapter on emotional obstacles and it didn’t take long before something grabbed on to me that I had never even thought about before.  As I sit in church each week, or in my case, listen to sermons in my car as well, I am always hearing about Jesus’ blood washing away things such as sin, pain, guilt, and shame.  I guess I had gotten so used to hearing it that I never really realized that some things, though they sound similar, have completely different meanings.

I never really thought about it, but did you know there is a difference between guilt and shame?  It really hit me like a ton of bricks when I realized that.  Guilt is feeling bad when you know you have done something wrong.  Shame, on the other hand, is feeling like you are worthless, meaningless, bad, and could do no right even if you tried.

How about this for a little example of guilt: my wife and children are out-of-town on vacation…let’s just say that every night they are gone I go and eat dinner at their favorite restaurants.  I go and get dessert at their favorite ice creams stores.  I’m sure I would feel a little guilty, because I know I shouldn’t be doing all of that without them.

That is just a small example….guilt can go so much deeper.  If you steal something, if you speed through a school zone, if you yell at a friend.  Both of these are instances where you just made a mistake.  Fortunately, guilt gives us the opportunity to learn from our mistakes.

But this is what got me, when I really understood what shame was.  My youngest son is 7.  He is a pretty good kid.  If you were to read his journal, I’m pretty sure he is writing future sermons.  But sometimes, like kids do, he has tantrums.  He says things like, “Nobody cares about me, nobody loves me.  I’m horrible.”  This may sound extremely insensitive, but after so many times of hearing it, its like, “Come on man, nobody said any of those things to you.”

When I read those two definitions today, I saw in him a feeling of shame…..and it hurt.  I plan on having some good talks with him when he gets back from vacation later this week.  It’s time to dig a little deeper and truly understand what’s going on in his mind and heart.

When it comes to me, I feel guilty all of the time…..”I know I shouldn’t say those kinds of things to my boss.  I know I shouldn’t think those things about that guy who just cut me off in traffic.”  It’s been a long time though since I felt real shame I think.  It had to have been over a year ago, back when I was realizing that I couldn’t control my life the way I thought I could; thinking I couldn’t provide for my family the way I should be able to.  All that changed though that day I left work, came home, and prayed for God to take over again.

It’s hard to believe its been a year now.  At the time I had my Bible, but didn’t know how to use it.  Its back then that I wish I would have had some verses of comfort that I can share now.  I don’t know what any of you out there are going through, but if you feel like your are worthless, you aren’t.  Even Israel’s greatest king prayed to take the shame away.  “O my God, in You I trust, Do not let me be ashamed; Do not let my enemies exult over me”  (Psalm 25:2, NASB)

Jesus endured some of the most shaming circumstances imaginable.  His broken, beaten, bloody body was placed on a cross…..naked….in front of all to see.  Guess what though….He did that for you.  He bore that burden and shame so that you wouldn’t have to….”Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God” (Hebrews 12:2, ESV).

He went through every bit of that because of the “joy” that He knew was to come.  So if you are out there feeling down, depressed; maybe you think you are a mistake….know that you aren’t.  Know that Jesus loves you.  Know that Jesus died for you and that His blood washed away all of that guilt and shame.

And as for me, I have learned a valuable lesson as well.  My son’s feelings are important. Even though sometimes He may be acting out and trying to get attention; deep down inside this is all coming from somewhere.  I will definitely be paying a little bit more attention to the little guy in the future.  Because no one is worthless…no matter how bad life gets…no matter how much you may think is up against you.  Jesus took that all away so that you wouldn’t have those feelings anymore.

 

 

Have you ever seen over 50 people baptized in the ocean before?  I hadn’t either…until today that is.  Of course, as awesome as it was to see all of those individuals profess their belief in Jesus Christ, their belief that He died, was buried, and then arose….all for their sins…….their was a particular couple of New Believers that I had particular interest in.

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My family has been looking forward to this day for a few months now. Over the past week I wasn’t even sure it was going to take place.  The weather has been pretty bad recently, with remnants of Tropical Storm Alberto blowing through and our seasonal afternoon thunderstorms.  Planning an outdoor activity for June can be difficult.  Luckily God made this day as perfect as could be.

We had family members come in to town starting last Wednesday to be a witness to this event as well.  Grandparents and parents, from Mississippi and Ohio.  Some drove, some flew, all made their way here to show their support of the decisions that had been made.

It all started this morning with another amazing church service from the book of Haggai. The message was about putting God first in our lives.  Twice God tells the Israelites to “Consider your ways.” God was not happy that the rebuilding of the Temple had been put on hold….because other important things were going on in the lives of the Israelites.

Over 50 people today decided at some point recently to put God first.  These people not only decided to put God first, but step out on a public beach and show the world.

I can’t imagine what those tourists and locals thought as a huge crowd came up over the dunes….gathered….and began singing.  As the second song started another group of people, all in purple shirts made their way into the water.  Then as the third song was over, lines began to form in front of those who were about 30 yards out into the sea.

And at the back of the “pink” line was my wife and oldest son.  My wife had made her decision to follow Christ just before Christmas….6 months ago to the day.  My son made his decision for Christ the night before Easter Sunday, at a special Saturday New night service we had.  Before heading down to the beach they had to choose a word to write on their shirts for what Jesus meant to them.  What’s crazy is, that without even talking to each other, they both ended up writing “Found” on their shirts.

As they splashed out into the water, together, I was surrounded by family and Staff members that have grown to love my family like their own.  They were just as excited to see my wife and son get baptized today as I and my other family members present were.  My son’s best friend even showed up and he and his family were cheering my son on as well.

Baptism is the outward showing of what we have accepted on the inside.  As Paul says in Romans, “Or do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus have been baptized into His death?  Therefore we have been buried with Him through baptism into death, so that as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, so we too might walk in the newness of life (Romans 6:3-4, NASB).

I’ll be honest with you, I never saw this day ever happening for anyone in my family.  I was not the good Christian father that I should have been.  But you see, God had a plan that was far greater than anything I could ever have imagined.  You see, if I would have, on my own, lead my wife and child to where they were today, then I would have thought it was me that did it.  However, God made it happen, in His time, in His way, so that He received the glory.  I could have never done any of this by myself.  But God placed many special people in our lives at the right times for the right words to be said…..and all of this lead to the decisions that were made, to the joyous occasion of today.

God is amazing.  When you place Him at the center of your life, the blessings will come.  I know they will.  I’ve seen them first hand.  I pray that each of us can continue to stay focused on God and the things that truly matter.

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I couldn’t end this blog without a quick story of what happened after their baptisms.  As my oldest son, youngest son, and their friends headed out into the water to play, my youngest started screaming.  Come to find out that a crab about the size of a quarter attached himself to my youngest son’s toe.  After said crab was pulled off, my son said he never wanted to play in “that” spot of water again.  He said, however, he would go play by where they were doing the baptisms because that area was okay.